Sunday 17 December 2017: A Year In Review

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This is how a product review is supposed to be written

By [User: KremlinGremlin6969] on [January 19^th or something if you need a specific number but like, idk]

They know we’re behind it all. But I guess it’s like placebos; they know we’re behind it all but they keep listening to the shit we post. Their lives must be so miserable, as opposed to mine in a windowless box writing comments on YouTube where I dare not leave. They must be so miserable to find comfort in destroying their own society with glee. This is so easy, undermining their intelligence. Electing Trump was just phase 1 … phase 2 is making sure we debt-collect off the guy before he blows up the planet.

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Keeping Up With The Slap-Dashians

By [Donald] on [Ivanka]

Another boxset that will get some form of emotional response from the whole family; a laugh from the twenty-something who understands-but-doesn’t what’s going on, an exuberant thumbs-up from the dodgy uncle you no longer speak to, and a full-on cheering fit from grandma, who seems to have connections with Russia. Your middle-aged mother will likely relate to the frantic office politics (particularly the firing of Bannon through a …) and frequent rounds of Musical Chairs (FBI investigations), while your four-year-old younger brother may find the personality of the lead character relatable. Amazing sitcom, hope reality’s nothing like that …

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Only Voted Labour Cos My Stomach Hurts Ow Ow

By [Winnie The Pooh] on [22 September]

Imagine somebody selling you a political system. Actually, no. Imagine a used-car salesperson giving you a political system. This NZ general election provides both belly laughs and break-neck pacing making it entertainment fit for the whole family (especially the five year-olds that can laugh at Jacinda Ardern’s facial structure, and the older people that can laugh at Winston’s outdated …. Wardrobe. Yeah, let’s go with that. Solid farce, well executed and surprisingly tense at the end. Reminds me of my sex life. Except that this time the woman came first.

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Shoulda Pulled Out of His Mum

By [The World In General] on [The Apocalypse]

Renegotiating foreign trade deals is difficult; I would know, I watched a documentary on it once. But this product seems to advocate the renegotiation of any agreement that isn’t completely in your own vested interest (so good luck for anyone negotiating with a vest making company). Pulled out of the TPP and Paris accord, with a renegotiation attempt of … most of the other ones. It looks a mess. Do not recommend. To sum up; ew ew ew ew no no no no n o n o n o n o n o. We’re fucked, but not in the good way.

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Dictator of Syria: Civil War

By [User: MinionOfAssad420] on [June sometime, I think; the system won’t tell me]

Liberation of Alleppo! So now we can stop dropping bombs on our own people! L We’ll have to find a new way to keep them in line now, I guess. Thanks America, for causing a problem, then acting outraged about it, then trying to solve it but only making it worse! It really helps us tinpot dictators … become proper dictators. I’m not sure I buy into this whole destabilising-the-Middle-East lark. My life seems pretty stable at the moment (apart from the human rights abuses but hey, don’t look at those …)

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This Is A Protest Vote

By [Anonymous] on [Undateable]

The protesting is getting ridiculous. I am posting this negative review as a protest to protest against the protesting. Not to mention the Rise of the Right (presumably because someone weighed more than their friend on a see-saw). That’s worth protesting about too. Maybe I should st – no, that’s what got us in this mess in the first place.

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Let June Be The End of May

By [Jeremy Corbyn] on [Drugs or something, presumably]

So that happened. The Conservatives don’t even have a majority anymore, and have had to align with the DUP. Not a good sign, but probably beneficial for telling people they matter. So basically it’s like a drunk letter (sorry, I meant text; is that how these things work?) The plot twist that the underdogs nearly won does make it slightly less predictable, but ultimately who actually cares because we’re still all going to hell in a Brexit-and-DUP shaped handcart, which does take the fun out of knowing that people, and what is said to the people, is influential and does matter.

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Putting the Meme into Mainstreme

By [Some Guy With A Nail Bomb] on [Ongoing? But started at that concert or something]

This is one-starred because I can’t give it zero.
I imagine the guy who invented the nail bomb self-high-fived and yelled “Nai –.” Actually, no. Not doing that joke. The use of terror by these organisations to promote their image and goals is worrying, and doesn’t look like it’ll stop. But perhaps the most worrying part is that we only worry about these things when they affect us.

Putting the Meme into Mainstreme

By [Thomas The Dank Engine] on [All the websites. Seriously. All.]

I mean, I don’t really need to say anything with this one, do I? There is a large quantity of sub-par memes on the market so be sure to check carefully your memes for authenticity. But mostly it’s fine. Tag yourself – That one guy who supplies you with new memes: Legend. Those five other people you can talk about memes with: Legend. The base of your foot: Leg end. Depression you’re staving off by looking at memes: How dare you.